Monday News

On Mondays, Writer's Corner will post news and updates for the coming week.

Reality Is Optional Kids' Writing Club

Monday, April 30th, 5:30-6:30pm @ The Alexandra Centre

Mary-Jean Uszy will be our special song writing guest. We are going to create a RIO theme song. So cool!

For more info check out www.realityisoptional.weebly.com

AWCS Prose Critique Group

Feedback can be valuable for writers at every stage. The prose critique group meets every 2nd and 4th Wednesday of the month. Contact Rick Borger raborger@telus.net for more information.

Free Fall Fridays
Every Friday from 10am to noon at the Alexandra Writers Centre Society. For more information, please contact Mary at mary.k@shaw.ca or phone 403.210.2295

For all the info on courses, memberships, online registrations and upcoming events check out the AWCS website www.alexandrawriters.org 

Do you have news you'd like to share with Writer's Corner? A newly released publication, book launch, signing etc. We'd be happy to share it. Email us at awcswriterscorner@gmail.com

Have a great writing week, everyone!

Free Fall Friday Fragments!

Confessions of a tee bag – by Marion Voth

I am a canvas taupe colored bag.  I hold from 25 to 250 small items.  I am usually used on a day without snow.  I can break if someone hits me too hard.  My life length can be very short.  I come in many colors and many lengths.  I am relatively inexpensive.  If never used, I will last indefinitely.  Sometimes I am made of recyclable products.  Many companies use me to market their companies.

What am I?

I am a golf tee.


*The Free Fall Friday group meets every Friday from 10am to noon at the Alexandra Writers Centre Society. For more information, please contact Mary at mary.k@shaw.ca or phone 403.210.2295

Feedback & Critique

A three part series

Part 1: Why people who love you are the worst readers

Writing is a solitary pursuit. We work alone, wrestling with the words until we manage to pin some to the mat. What then? Unfortunately, genius is rarely born in a vacuum. At some point, most of us are compelled to lift our bum from our chair and seek an opinion.

When starting out, we often turn to friends and family. We tentatively ask them if they’d like to read our manuscript. They say YES, they’d love to! We are naturally thrilled. We sit down to compose the email. We enter the addresses of our loved ones. Then we babble a bit about the story, and why it’s so great. We warn for extreme profanity or sexy times. We tell them to be brutally honest. Then we wait.

As the days pass, we worry about standard stuff. They won’t get our quirky wordplay. They won’t fall in love with our characters. They’ll think the entire yarn is an abomination and we should kill it with lava.

We also have secret, shall we say, yearnings. We long to see the awestruck looks on their faces when they read a certain descriptive passage, or their astonishment when the plot jackknifes in the most original way the world has ever seen. We practice our bashful reactions to their praise. Aw, shucks. We put together our defense for the things they might criticize. Yeah but, yeah but, yeah but…

Weeks pass. A few comments trickle in. They love the characters, especially that guy whose name they can’t remember. Those fancy words that required a readily available dictionary were a gas. And the twist at the end? Totally didn’t see it coming. No one clutches their pearls at the profanity or the sexy times. No one mentions lava.

In the end, we get a sprinkling of largely positive feedback that is vague, uninspired and frankly disappointing.

This isn’t to dismiss the opinions of our loved ones. The problem isn’t a lack of honesty or interest. It’s simply that a close friend or parent or sibling, usually can’t separate the writing from the writer. Those that read our story will probably love it because they want to love it. Because they love us. They want us to succeed and want to be supportive and therefore, are about the worst source of objective feedback there is.

Of course this isn’t a hard and fast rule Your sister might be a grammar and punctuation despot who proofreads professionally. Feel free then to ask her to attack your work with a red pen and a fistful of commas. It’s a judgment call.

In the end, our nearest and dearest might enjoy reading our stories, but they can’t be counted on to give us what we need to make them better. That’s not their job anyway. Stories are written in solitude, to be shared with a multitude. It’s why we do what we do. So let your family read, let them enjoy, let them make you feel good about what you’re doing. Then thank them. Be grateful for their support, and never take it for granted. You can go elsewhere for brutal honesty.

Next week…Part 2: Writing Groups

           

Some Poetry For Tuesday

Prince Edward Island Farewell

By Jamal Ali

This poem was written during my departure from Prince Edward Island on August 15, 2001 aboard Air Canada bound for Toronto. Abegweit is the Micmac name for the Island

meaning, “Cradled on the waves.” Minegoo is the Micmac word meaning, “The Island.”

Farewell, oh splendid Island of the singing waters

for I must sadly go.

To Stampede City, I must venture,

since I cannot resist the calling of “home sweet home.”

Oh Abegweit, you will always be in my memory,

for I have discovered paradise,

since you are filled with the charms of life.

Your air is like perfume.

Your azure sea, verdant rolling farmlands,

and red sandstone cliffs

will always be in my dreams.

Someday, we will meet again Isle of Shangri-La.

Oh beautiful Island,

you have welcomed me in your arms,

for I have become part of your psyche.

It was hard for me to leave your picturesque shores,

I revel in my thoughts of Anne Shirley,

and my discovery of the fountain of youth

in Lover’s Lane.

Green Gables scintillates my passion.

I could hear the daily echoes of the Great Spirit,

“Come back to Minegoo, please come back.”

Monday News

On Mondays, Writer's Corner will post news and updates for the coming week.


Reality Is Optional Kids' Writing Club
Monday, April 30th, 5:30-6:30pm @ The Alexandra Centre
Mary-Jean Uszy will be our special song writing guest. We are going to create a RIO theme song. So cool!
For more info check out www.realityisoptional.weebly.com


Open Mic at Owl's Nest Books
Wednesday, April 25th, 7:00-8:30pm
Come out to Owl's Nest Book Store to our last open mic of the season. Connect with other writers, eat some cookies and have fun in a relaxed and supportive atmosphere. Bring two double-spaced pages of your work for a 5min reading, or just sit back, listen and enjoy. EVERYONE IS WELCOME.


AWCS Prose Critique Group
Feedback on your writing can be valuable for writers at every stage. The prose critique group meets every 2nd and 4th Wednesday of the month. Contact Rick Borger raborger@telus.net for more information.


For more information on courses, memberships, online registrations and upcoming events check out the AWCS website www.alexandrawriters.org 


Do you have news you'd like to share with Writer's Corner? A newly released publication, book launch, signing etc. We'd be happy to share it. Email us at awcswriterscorner@gmail.com


Have a great writing week, everyone!

Free Fall Friday Fragments!

The Free Fall method of writing, developed by W.O. Mitchell, is something we love at AWCS. Basically, it amounts to being given a prompt, and for a set amount of time, writing whatever comes to mind. Writing without editing, and without fear. It's a great way to unshackle your creativity, have fun and walk away having produced something.


We thought the blog would be a great place for members to share their Free Fall writings. So every Friday, we will post snippets from the most recent Free Fall session.


The Free Fall Friday group meets every Friday from 10am to noon at the Alexandra Writers Centre Society. For more information, please contact Mary at mary.k@shaw.ca or phone 403.210.2295

Fragments of Free Fall Friday Issue 2

One Friday morning, the Free Fall Friday (FFF) group wrote from the text and photograph of an autumn leaf in all its bright colors. Entitled Ask, the card included this mediation:

Be specific, know what you want. Breathe, ponder and take the time necessary to form your question. Ask openly, and then move ahead with clarity. Know inside you the answer exists.

Here are some snippets of what came out of that prompt.

~~~

ask;

be specific-

in such a landscape of possibilities

it’s like herding sheep-

not likely

            and not impossible-

            both true

ask;

       don’t ask;

            open, close.

clarity bangs like the preacher

on his pulpit- his fist raised,

thumping the solid oak dais-

its echo in the church-

it isn’t something that comes

            in like a lamb, by god;

                        it’s the roar, the thunderous roar

                        of the lion-his mouth open

                                    wide-teeth nestled in a drooling

                                                mouth gaped, gormless

and the sheep

            their baas

                        like lanterns

                        in the dusk

repeat-

            show the way

                        on heather filled moors.

            ask-

                     don’t ask

                             open; close

                                      shut

it is a choice, yours, mine-

            sheep or lion?

-Angela Simmons

~~~

ASK

            Don, you are the only person I know who sort of thinks like I do and are powerful enough to carry me out of the bush.  I want you to stake one placer claim in your name so that no one will know where it comes from.  I’ll bequeath you the map so you and Barb can find it if it takes too long to fashion a hand drill that will work this time.  You get all the bush gear to make this happen, the IP, the GPS, the sawed off shotgun and the maps.  Just say that you’ll do it dear boy.  They’re not going to buy your hot spring thing for years yet, so you need a reason to be in the bush and teach Barb what I never did.  Gold will always be hot while your hydro-thermal stuff will take a decade of patience and infinite proposals.  This is now, with an odd of chance of financing yours down the road stuff.

-Nick Gass

~~~

ASK:

She’s waiting. Same corner as last week, huddled under the scant overhang of the sandstone facade, trying to absorb what little warmth it’s retained from the day. She’s waiting. Just like last week, trembling - whether from cold or fear, anticipation - matters not. She’s feeling fragile, leaning against the building so as not to topple from the top of her heels.

She asked, she begged, she prayed
She never wanted it to be this way
But this way it is, and this way
Her hopelessness would have it stay.

Waiting time is inversely proportional to hopefulness. Despair, desperation seeps and sets. Some days she can’t tell her tears from the rain. Still, survival instinct – remnant of hope remains. And hope is the only ammunition she’s got to get her to where she wants to go.

She asked, she begged, she prayed
And still she’s waiting for that day.

-Maraya Loza-Koxahn

~~~

Ask. Be specific. Know what you want. Breathe. Ponder. Ask your question.

I breathe.

I ponder.

Daily.

From moment to moment.

At times, my search process becomes a mantra rather than a focussed specific question.

As in prayer, that if I rush to mumble the words

I learned as a child in my mother’s tongue

and in English when I was a school-aged child,

my thought waves flatten and my brain activity slows.

When I realized my mumblings are meaningless, I stop.

I place my right index finger in the centre of my forehead

and I breathe,

drawing breath deep into my belly,

into my soul, my spirit.

I note the rhythm of my breath,

The quiet in and out.

The tension in my shoulders eases,

My neck grows longer

And the havoc – the hodge-podge of ideas roiling in my brain

Begin to slow and disappear.

-Mary Kurucz

The Free Fall Friday group meets every Friday from 10am to noon at the Alexandra Writers Centre Society. For more information, please contact Mary at mary.k@shaw.ca or phone 403.210.2295

A Novel Approach: A Year-Long Novel Course

NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS FOR FALL 2012

The Program
A Novel Approach is an advanced year-long novel course designed for serious novelists/writers of fiction to encourage and motivate the writer to the completion of the first draft of a novel. Through instruction, writing exercises, work-shopping, group discussion and mentorship this program will get you well on your way to completing the first draft and depending on how far along you are, maybe even the second draft.
Throughout the year, you will discuss common obstacles to finishing your draft from beginnings, plot, story, POV, voice, structure and endings. Elements of flashbacks, sex scenes, symbolism, dialogue, character development, research and methods of submitting to publishers/agents will also be discussed with more emphasis on specific needs of the participants, but all areas will be covered.
You will meet twice a month for two and a half hours. Between classes you will be expected to read and comment on other student’s work, as well as work on your own projects.
Students will also have the opportunity to meet one on one with their instructor throughout the year to discuss their manuscript.
Please note: There is an extensive critique/workshop component to this course.

The Pre-Requisites
Successful applicants must:

• Have a novel-in-progress
• Have completed A Novel Idea, the AWCS 10-week intermediate novel course, or equivalent at another institution ; or have previously published short stories.

The Application Procedures

• There is a non-refundable application fee of $25 which must accompany each submission.
• There are only 18 spaces available, so send us your best, well-edited submissions.
• Submit 25 pages or first three chapters of your novel in-progress along with a brief synopsis or outline of the story. Manuscript submissions should be typed in an easy to read font, double-spaced on one side of the page, numbered.
• Include a cover page with your name, contact information and writing experience along with a brief paragraph about why you should be considered for this program, how far along you are in your novel, previous courses you've taken and/or publishing credits and your level of commitment to the program.
• Send to: AWCS, A Novel Approach, 922, 9th Ave SE, Calgary, AB T2G 0S4
• Or email as an attachment in .doc, .docx, .pdf or .rtf to: awcs@telusplanet.net
• Applications and fee must be received by July 31, 2012 applications will not be processed until application fee is received.) Payments can be made by credit card over the phone, online through PayPal, cash or cheques made payable to: AWCS
• You will be notified of your acceptance by August 31, 2012

Course fees, instructors and meeting times TBD and will be announced shortly.

www.alexandrawriters.org

In the Shadow of the Wall: Marcello Di Cintio

AWCS 2012 Writer in Residence, Marcello Di Cintio, talks about walls. The theme for his upcoming book, In the Shadow of the Wall, to be published later this year.

AWCS Presents: Gail Bowen

AWCS PRESENTS: GAIL BOWEN, LIVE AT OWL'S NEST BOOKS
Sunday, June 3, 2012 | 7pm | Owl's Nest Books
FREE EVENT

For one night only, Canadian mystery writer, Gail Bowen will be live at Owl’s Nest Books reading from her newest book, Kaleidoscope, released April 2012.

Bring friends and join AWCS and Owl’s Nest Books in welcoming one of Canada’s best-selling mystery writers.

The evening will be followed by a Q & A, wine and refreshments.

~~~

How to Get Your Manuscript Out of the Desk Drawer and Onto the Best Seller List
Instructor: Gail Bowen
June 4 | 10-4:30pm
Registration Fee: $125
Venue: Memorial Park Library, 1221, 2nd St. SW, Calgary

This workshop will teach you how to use the elements of fiction most effectively. We will deal with the following: defining your theme so that it drives your work, creating truly dimensional protagonists and antagonists, using secondary characters effectively, making setting an integral part of your story, establishing plot points and developing sub-plots to support your principal plot line. The workshop will also discuss solutions to challenges that you, as emerging writers, are facing. Most importantly, we'll have fun.

Register Online


Special thanks to Mystery Writers Ink for helping make these events possible.

Return Of The Blog

Greetings fellow writers,

After a period of inactivity, the AWCS blog is back and better than ever, powered by buckets of clean-burning unicorn blood.

Here, we'll talk about literary events, the publishing industry, our successes, our less-than-successes, and of course, the challenges, joys, politics and wackadoo of writing itself.

We'd like to build a supportive community made up of the only people who truly understand us: other writers. So check in regularly for news, well articulated explorations and strident rantings on a variety of topics.

And here's the super cool part. If you have something to say, we want to hear it. Be bold. Send us stories, poems and book reviews. We also want information, opinions, confessions, drabbles and dweebles (you decide what those things are).

If you have words, and we know you do, send 'em to awcswriterscorner@gmail.com

More fun stuff coming soon. Until then, give your muse a pat and a cookie. It can't hurt.

-AWCS Blog Monkey

A Little News

A nice article about AWCS appeared on Suite 101 today.
Check it out.

Also if you haven't already, check out the Freshwater Pearls Online Supplement website that goes along with the 30th anniversary celebrations and the launch of the Freshwater Pearls anthology. The cover has been selected and the online submissions are starting to appear along with some snippets of what is between the pages of the print copy. A must read for sure.

A Novel Approach: A Year-Long Novel Course

NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS

The Program
A Novel Approach is an advanced year-long novel course designed for serious novelists/writers of fiction to encourage and motivate the writer to the completion of the first draft of a novel/short story collection. Through instruction, writing exercises, work-shopping, group discussion and mentorship this program will get you well on your way to completing the first draft and depending on how far along you are, maybe even the second draft.

Throughout the year, you will discuss common obstacles to finishing your draft from beginnings, plot, story, POV, voice, structure and endings. Elements of flashbacks, sex scenes, symbolism, dialogue, character development, research and methods of submitting to publishers/agents will also be discussed with more emphasis on specific needs of the participants, but all areas will be covered.

You will meet twice a month for two and a half hours. Between classes you will be expected to read and comment on other student’s work, as well as work on your own projects.

Please note: There is an extensive critique/workshop component to this course.

The Pre-Requisites
Successful applicants must:

• Have a novel-in-progress
• Have completed A Novel Idea, the AWCS 10-week beginner novel course, or equivalent ; or have previously published short stories.

The Application Procedures

• There is a non-refundable application fee of $25 that must accompany each submission.
• There are only 10 spaces available, so send us your best, well-edited submissions.
• Submit 30 pages or first three chapters of your novel in-progress along with a detailed synopsis of your entire story. Manuscript submissions should be typed in an easy to read font, double-spaced on one side of the page.
• Include a cover page with your name, contact information and writing experience along with a brief paragraph about why you should be considered for this program, how far along you are in your draft and your level of commitment to the program.
• Send to: AWCS, A Novel Approach, 922, 9th Ave SE, Calgary, AB T2G 0S4
• Or email as an attachment in .doc, .docx, .pdf or .rtf to: awcs@telusplanet.net
• Applications and fee must be received by June 30, 2011(applications will not be processed until application fee is received.)
• You will be notified of your acceptance by July 31, 2011

The Fees

• Application Fee (non-refundable, must accompany submission) $25

Course Fees (due after acceptance)

• AWCS Members: $550 
• Non-Members: $600
• One Year Membership: $60 

Course fees due (or arrangements made) by one week prior to start of class or you forfeit your spot.

Make all cheques/money orders payable to: Alexandra Writers Centre Society. Payments also accepted by Visa/MasterCard and can be paid online, in person, or by phone.

The Meeting Times
Mondays, 7-9:30pm
Begins September 12, 2011
Students will meet every other Monday, from September 2011 to June 2012.

The Instructor: Naomi K. Lewis

Naomi K. Lewis is a novelist, ghostwriter, magazine writer and editor, and teacher living in Calgary. Her novel, Cricket in a Fist, was published by Goose Lane editions in 2008, and she ghostwrote Spencer Beach's memoir, In Case of Fire (Kingsley Publishing, 2010). Naomi will be writer-in-residence at the Calgary Public Library from September to November, 2011. Visit her website to learn more: http://www.naomiklewis.com/

The Student Readings

Each year, AWCS hosts three student readings that correspond with each semester end. A Novel Approach students are invited to participate and read from their works-in-progress at any or all of the readings.

There's no escaping the love that is family...

Today is my Dad's birthday. He died a number of years ago.

He and I, we never quite saw eye to eye.

His eyes (a bit higher than mine) saw a different past, a different future.

I think that makes it likely that he saw further in both directions...he was taller after all, and he stood on the powerful shoulders of his immigrant parents. They were the sort of parents who knew of poverty and privation. It made them generous. When they laughed, the laughter was loud and real. When they ate, they cleaned their plates...always a final wipe with the last bit of bread.

My father held hope close to his heart...as though it was as much a burden as it was a gift. He took it everywhere, looking for chances to give small pieces of it away.

My father was stingy with his past...it wasn't a place he liked to share. He would not let us wear black jeans, or black high top sneakers because those were what the government issued to poor kids during the depression.

My father could never come to terms with communism, no matter how often I told him it was just like sharing. I didn't know, until much later, about how Stalin starved his people.

My Dad, Joseph, did not teach me to speak Ukranian. I think he felt like it might be a step backward. He was wrong about that.

He did teach me how to throw (really throw...not like a girl), he taught me that girls are as good as boys. He made it clear that I should not wait for someone to take of me. He taught me that I was as capable as anyone of learning to use a hammer, screwdriver, or a saw.

I learned to saw quite easily, that's when he told me that it's more important to see...to see that there is a world full of work to be done, that I was obligated to do some of it.

It was difficult for my Dad to tolerate sleeping late. He never did. If he was sick, he was sick standing up. Until he got really sick.

My Dad did not laugh often, so every time it happened it was a peculiar kind of blessing.

Once, while in my Father's care, my nephew Joe shoved a peanut up his brother Dan's nose. My Dad could never tell the story without laughing so hard his eyes would well with tears.

"Daniel...why did you let your brother stick a peanut up your nose?"

Why indeed.

In memory of Joe...off to work I go.

Filled with hugs I'd love to give,

Kari

Just Another Big Bang Theory...

Yesterday I looked at my workout schedule. A two hour bike ride. Crap.

It was hard to begin...so hard. Why? Because:

a) it's winter and sitting on a bike, in the basement, watching daytime television, is exactly as physically pleasant as plucking your own nose hairs;

b) simple physics. Newton's Second Law - An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted on by an unbalanced force. I was the object at rest. Oddly enough, I was also the unbalanced force that acted on my resting self. I think of this as some perverted form of multi-tasking;

c) finally, it was hard to begin because I know that once I begin, I will not stop until I've done what I set out to do. Beginning is an unspoken promise to complete the task. It's never the first step that's hard, it's knowing that I will have to take all the other steps, and some of those steps will hurt.

Rainer Maria Rilke said, "It is a tremendous act of violence to begin anything."

Rainer Maria Rilke is the best name ever. If I get to name myself in a future life...I'm going to be Rainer Maria Rilke.

Rilke was a poet, a tad on the morose side... but he sure nailed it on the idea of beginnings.

Contrast Rilke with Lao Tzu, the "journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step" guy. People want to believe this single step notion because it's simple, peaceful and exquisitely rational.

But I'm with Rainer Rilke...and science backs me up. This whole show, the roots of our existence, the beginning of all beginnings - it didn't start with a step - it started with a big violent bang.

Races start the same way, the blast of a horn, or a gunshot. As the countdown begins the starting line becomes electric. The air takes on a particular odour; the ozone smell that precedes a lighting strike blends with low notes of fear, something that smells like lust, and the reek of the guy who's running in an unwashed "lucky" t-shirt. The crack of a pistol, the blast of an air horn...the runners explode forward, each one writing their own race. Bang.

...and a story, it never really begins with a single word, tapped softly on keys. The story begins with anguish, or a thought so terrible (or beautiful) that it's impossible not to think it again, a jealousy that brings burning bile to the throat, a passion that could breed violence, an act of violence that could spawn an impossible love...

Passion is the "bang" that starts art in motion.

"Bang" is the unbalanced force that precipitates action.

Perhaps that's why, when I ask politely for quiet, then come calmly to my desk, there's a good chance I'll spend a docile hour, checking out Facebook, on-line shopping and reading that pathetic drivel that passes for news on my homepage...and I will write nothing.

When I come to my desk on fire, that is when I write. On a good desk day I start by ripping off far more than I can chew, then I chew it anyway...I take more steps than I'm comfortable with.

"It is a tremendous act of violence to begin anything."

We can only finish what we start.

To begin, begin.

Begin with a bang.

24 Random Thoughts

Hello:

I really have no big thoughts today, so here is a collection of small ones...

1. Everybody was a baby once, Arthur. Oh, sure, maybe not today, or even yesterday. But once. Babies, chum: tiny, dimpled, fleshy mirrors of our us-ness, that we parents hurl into the future, like leathery footballs of hope. And you've got to get a good spiral on that baby, or evil will make an interception.

The Tick said that, and no matter how times I hear it, it still makes me laugh.

2. I haven't decided if I hate Christmas, or if I love it in the way that you sometimes love things that are painful, like deep massage or a proper tooth cleaning.

3. I can't wait until Hannah Montana is done...not just for today...but FOREVER.

4. When you go to a pool to swim laps, don't swim in the fast lane if you are not fast. It makes the swimmers who ARE fast want to pull out your toenails.

5. When I write, my dog Bulky sits on my chair, behind me. Normally he's a bit of jerk - so this is his most endearing quality.

6. I don't tell the dog, but I actually like the hamster better. The hamster's name is Tuxedo and he's very handsome.

7. If we don't get a Chinook soon, I'll probably get arrested for committing some act of unprovoked aggression. Seriously, I nearly yelled at an old lady at the Safeway because she insisted on using the cart with the shakey wheel. Dammit - there was a whole fleet of perfectly good carts!

8. Women who think Dr. Oz is sexy give me the creeps. Really, ladies...doesn't he mostly look like he needs a bath?

9. ...and while we're on the subject of that genre, I can't wait until Orpra is finished...not just for today...but FOREVER.

10. If justice is something other than pipe dream, there is a special place in hell for people who spit in public.

11. Ignatius and Aloysius are funny names. Probably that's why nobody uses them any more.

12. I think the "Can't you see I'm eating a cookie?" response is pure genius. I can't believe no one thought of that one before.

13. Ikea. It's like Idea - but with a "k"...and meatballs.

14. My little girl is at the dentist right now. I bought her a donut at lunchtime but she wouldn't eat it because she was convinced the dentist would know and get mad. I wonder when she's going to stop being such a worrier.

15. I always judge a book by its cover. I find it saves time.

16. I've developed a peculiar relationship with my bicycle. I speak to it lovingly. I am worried if I don't it will abandon or fail me when I need it most. I didn't name it though - that would be weird.

17. I ate some President's Choice Baby Back Rib potato chips the other day (I know, don't judge me). The thing is, THEY TASTE LIKE REAL RIBS. It's unnatural. I think Galen Westin has taken concert with the devil. How else could such a thing be possible?

18. People who use the phrase "drink the Kool-Aid" really piss me off. 276 children died that day. Hardly an event that should be turned into a tag-line.

19. I wish I could keep an Ipod for longer than two months before I lose it. My last one was with me for ONE run.

20. If you don't think penguins are cute, you should keep that to yourself, because penguin lovers...they're a little nuts.

21. You can still buy Cracker Jack at Walmart, but the prizes are totally suckish.

22. Gingerbread houses are a colossal waste of food. The practice should be abandoned.

23. Bullies are just cowards turned inside out.

24. If you don't have one great idea, sometimes a tidy pile of little ideas will do.

Stay warm...

Be cool...

I'll never make THAT mistake again...

I have this friend, lets call her Lorraine.

She believes that mistakes happen for a reason, that they arrive to teach us something we wouldn't otherwise learn. She is adamant about this. I think Lorraine is wise.

I also think that there are two kinds of mistakes. There are polite mistakes. They drop off their little bundle of "chock it up to experience" and then depart leaving the mind informed and at peace. The rude mistakes take up permanent residence. They regularly reappear in the mind's eye to embarrass us anew, sometimes in the middle of the day, but more often at night, just as we are about to sleep.

This is a tale of two such mistakes.

Mistake #1:

My very first writing teacher offered the class this assignment: describe a single event from two points of view.

Despite being utterly unfamiliar with the situation, I chose to write about childbirth, from the mother's perspective and the doctor's.

It started like this:

"I have been wrapped in a shroud of pain..."

Really. Would anyone like a side of gag with their slab of melodrama?

I destroyed the paper copy of that piece decades ago, but that line still creeps into my head now and again, and each time it does, I wince."I have been wrapped in a shroud of pain..."

I know I wrote better lines for that prof, but I cannot recall a single one. I'm equally certain that that hideous sentence will follow me to the grave. In fact, those might be the last words I utter.

"I have been wrapped in a shroud of pain..."

Mistake #2

I ran the Last Chance half marathon on Sunday. It was a great day and a wonderful race. My tights didn't exactly fit they way they should. I should have tried those stretchy babies on a few days before the race and realized that I needed better fitting ones. That small mistake cost me a little chaffing in the nethers. In spite of that, I ran a personal best.

On Monday I went to the pool to lengthen those race-stressed muscles. It was a lovely swim, all loose and floppy, just the way my coach told me it should be.

...and afterwards a soak in the hot tub.

Of an early afternoon, the hot tub at the Y is often populated with retired gents who make their workouts as much a social occasion as a physical outing. They congregate in a group of 6-8, sit along the edge of the hot pool, feet dangling in the water and they shout at one another over the roar of the jets.

Yesterday, as I approached the hot tub, they fell silent. Their eyes seemed to take on some frantic life of their own, darting from place to place, but always returning, ever-so-briefly, to me.

As I stepped over the rim of the tub, I glanced down. The abrasions of the day before had reacted with the chlorinated water. Red patches graced my inner thighs, bright patches. They positively glowed, their size and shape - dead ringers for giant hickies.

The old men did not utter a single word the entire time I soaked in the hot water.

I guess I could have stood up and addressed them, explained that I was the victim of ill fitting pants, not debauchery...but I preferred to let them think whatever it was they were thinking.

It occurs to me that another person might have reacted differently, that being caught with hickey marked thighs might be humiliating, while writing a really bad sentence might slip on as easily as a favourite sweater.

I think that Lorraine is right, our mistakes do educate us, and tell us as much about who we are as they do about what we've done. They help us define ourselves, they shape our future.

Perhaps the mistakes that haunt us most are the ones we will have to make again.

Trying to get it right more often than I get it wrong...

Kari

Tripping Uptown

So...a brief vacation from writing due to illness and the busywork that follows being unable to do anything for a week. Hope I was missed. Here's my latest...

I lost the stomach for downtown a decade ago. When I retreated to the suburbs, I left behind at least a million unread words. Manuals on bookshelves, PowerPoint presentations, corporate newsletters, annual reports... unappreciated gifts of a stifled imagination.

Occasionally I return to the core, but only to shop, a project for which I am wholly ill-suited.

Unaccustomed to the train, I am a clumsy traveler. I forget to buy my ticket before I descend to the platform, then I forget where I put it. I touch the handrail on the staircase then discover I’m out of hand sanitizer.

I sit at the edge of my seat. I touch nobody, nothing. I am not fond of the smell.

Near the downtown station where I exit, an old man sits crumpled in a corner near a door, a hat laid in his lap.

I walk past him, then stop. I find my wallet easily enough, but when I try to unzip it, the paper money gets clenched in the teeth and the zipper stalls. I pull at the bills to free them, shreds of currency flutter to the greasy sidewalk. I am sweating by the time I liberate a twenty.

I put it in the old man’s hat. It takes a moment for him to notice, then he looks up and into my eyes. “God bless you,” he says.

I want to say, “he already has” but I cannot. I struggle with belief.

“Spend it like you found it,” I offer, and he smiles a dark, gummy smile.

“You’re an angel,” he tells me and I smile too.

The secret to being perfect, it seems, is to show up infrequently, with a gift, and say something that makes a little, but not too much sense.

Feeling the love without, and the love within,

Kari

A quick note to my adoring legions of fans...

Like all the best kinds of gratification, this week's blog is delayed.

I am ill. I am ill AND I sound like a Smurf, a profound manifestation of the notion of "adding insult to injury".

I'll get to YOU people as soon as I can - right now I've got little invaders to deal with. Heat the buttered rum!

Bed ridden - but not ridden with bedbugs...