Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Ice in Bowls and Perfect Swimming

I’ve battled the fear of open water for most of my life. I’m good for hundreds of lengths in the pool, but put me in water I can’t see the bottom of, and I panic.


About a month ago I read an article in Impact Magazine titled “Swimming Without Walls” (by Brian McAsey). Brian says that the reason many people shun lakes and oceans is that cold water, particularly in the face, causes the "fight or flight" response to kick in.


Brian honestly believes that you can condition yourself past panic by sticking your face in ice water and blowing bubbles.


Brian’s funny.


I’m desperate.


In less than two weeks I have to race the first leg of my triathlon (1.2 miles) in the balmy waters of Ghost Lake. Ghost Lake is even too cold for fish.


So I get out the big bowl, fill it, and submerge my face, five days in a row. My facial pores, it is noted by a close friend, are looking very refined. My complexion glows.


Better than refined pores, on Monday evening I spent a panic free hour swimming in that icy reservoir. I did.


Really, sometimes the weird sh*t works.


Now, let’s talk about my unfinished novel.


I like to consider myself the sort of person who gets things done. I set a goal, I break the process down into steps. I find the help I need. I do the work.


Why then, six years or so after beginning, am I still working on the same book?


Completion, it seems, is my other great fear.


What if I finish the book and nobody will publish it? What if somebody publishes it but nobody buys it? What if people buy it and hate it and say mean spirited things about it? What if the leftover copies end up in the Dollarama beside their collection of distasteful looking cookbooks and bad self-help literature?


All I have to do is imagine my book being rejected and I’m overcome by the urge to carry it to safety or kick someone.


I’m paralyzed by the thought of not being accepted and loved for the genius that I am. I’m so worried about not being adored that I’m refusing to take the risks that come with completion.


Hmm...maybe what I need to get this book done is a bowl of ice water in which to soak my ego.


I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a bowl that big. Perhaps an icy lake will work.


Just keep swmming,

Kari


1 comment:

  1. I have read what you've written so far and I know you can quash that fear because it's definitely going to be worth the read. And everyone will buy it.

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