Tuesday, November 23, 2010

24 Random Thoughts


I really have no big thoughts today, so here is a collection of small ones...

Everybody was a baby once, Arthur. Oh, sure, maybe not today, or even yesterday. But once. Babies, chum: tiny, dimpled, fleshy mirrors of our us-ness, that we parents hurl into the future, like leathery footballs of hope. And you've got to get a good spiral on that baby, or evil will make an interception.
The Tick said that, and no matter how times I hear it, it still makes me laugh.

2. I haven't decided if I hate Christmas, or if I love it in the way that you sometimes love things that are painful, like deep massage or a proper tooth cleaning.

3. I can't wait until Hannah Montana is done...not just for today...but FOREVER.

4. When you go to a pool to swim laps, don't swim in the fast lane if you are not fast. It makes the swimmers who ARE fast want to pull out your toenails.

5. When I write, my dog Bulky sits on my chair, behind me. Normally he's a bit of jerk - so this is his most endearing quality.

6. I don't tell the dog, but I actually like the hamster better. The hamster's name is Tuxedo and he's very handsome.

7. If we don't get a Chinook soon, I'll probably get arrested for committing some act of unprovoked aggression. Seriously, I nearly yelled at an old lady at the Safeway because she insisted on using the cart with the shakey wheel. Dammit - there was a whole fleet of perfectly good carts!

8. Women who think Dr. Oz is sexy give me the creeps. Really, ladies...doesn't he mostly look like he needs a bath?

9. ...and while we're on the subject of that genre, I can't wait until Orpra is finished...not just for today...but FOREVER.

10. If justice is something other than pipe dream, there is a special place in hell for people who spit in public.

11. Ignatius and Aloysius are funny names. Probably that's why nobody uses them any more.

12. I think the "Can't you see I'm eating a cookie?" response is pure genius. I can't believe no one thought of that one before.

13. Ikea. It's like Idea - but with a "k"...and meatballs.

14. My little girl is at the dentist right now. I bought her a donut at lunchtime but she wouldn't eat it because she was convinced the dentist would know and get mad. I wonder when she's going to stop being such a worrier.

15. I always judge a book by its cover. I find it saves time.

16. I've developed a peculiar relationship with my bicycle. I speak to it lovingly. I am worried if I don't it will abandon or fail me when I need it most. I didn't name it though - that would be weird.

17. I ate some President's Choice Baby Back Rib potato chips the other day (I know, don't judge me). The thing is, THEY TASTE LIKE REAL RIBS. It's unnatural. I think Galen Westin has taken concert with the devil. How else could such a thing be possible?

18. People who use the phrase "drink the Kool-Aid" really piss me off. 276 children died that day. Hardly an event that should be turned into a tag-line.

19. I wish I could keep an Ipod for longer than two months before I lose it. My last one was with me for ONE run.

20. If you don't think penguins are cute, you should keep that to yourself, because penguin lovers...they're a little nuts.

21. You can still buy Cracker Jack at Walmart, but the prizes are totally suckish.

22. Gingerbread houses are a colossal waste of food. The practice should be abandoned.

23. Bullies are just cowards turned inside out.

24. If you don't have one great idea, sometimes a tidy pile of little ideas will do.

Stay warm...
Be cool...


  1. Number 14 is my favorite; followed by 9 and then 3. Our children really ... desperately ... need better role models.

  2. Sometimes I spit, but only outside. What would the online-public-forum equivalent of spitting in public be?

  3. I'm hooked on Number 7. Every morning this week I have been nothing short of the monster mother from hell. I feel sorry for my child. I just want to kill something, make it suffer as much as I have been suffering. Please make it stop!

  4. KS to
    Spit Anonymous:

    If you're a spitter you likely have a better answer to that question than I do...of course, I prefer to use words.